While I may not be a dating expert, I have been the target for a variety of pickup techniques. Not all have been bad, but a select few have been terribly awkward, which is the last thing you want to feel when you are out. My most recent pickup incident convinced me that it does not matter where I am, guys will continue to use bad pickup techniques. I have decided to share a few of my very favorite would you say incidents. Here we go, counting down from bad to worst.
7. When you see her working out, do a few casual run bys.
6. Hold something of hers hostage until she agrees to hang out with you.
5. Mysteriously end up in a least one of her classes for two straight years.
4. Serenade her drunkly at her window with a car full of your friends.
3. Drive by her house until you see her outside, then text her that she looks good.
2. Come over to talk and when she says she needs space beg her not to break up, especially if you aren’t officially dating.
1. Text her too much and when she doesn’t response leave her some voicemails and when those don’t work send her an original poem.
Only because I do not know this guy at all, I am sharing my newest pickup road kill. The text poem:
My heart chokes up inside
‘Cause I still haven’t head a reply
From you, Vanessa, such a pretty girl-
Possibly the prettiest in the world.
You’re creative and fashionable
Yet still very rational,
And though spoiled you have every reason to be,
You don’t seem so at all to me.
If only I could cozy up to body
And kiss your scarlet lips softly,
Then when the mood slightly shifts,
I’d move my kisses to you hips
And an ocean of glee
Would well up within me
In which peace would swim-
And new life would begin.
I only wish I was making this up, but these are all real examples. So guys, the next time you try to pickup a woman avoid these mistakes. The root of all examples can be boiled down to one cardinal mistake: don’t come on too strongly too soon.
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